Ye Olde Rad Blog II

Heading out for a bike ride, but first I wanna share > the bug is no longer stuttering. Everybody told me not-to-worry, but it still bothered me.

He stuttered for ~ a month. Broke my heart. No more, tho. You can't imagine the sense of relief. (Happy days here again.)

He slept over last night. In the middle of the night, I felt a little hand on my face. I'm guessing he woke (in the dark) and wanted to know who was sleeping beside him.

He probably felt my (scruffy) face for a clue, then went back to sleep. (Cool feeling. Made me smile.)

Recall a few days ago? When I mentioned the idea of getting another domain name, so I could split-out site content related to my adventures as Rad-Dad?

Actually, that post was sort of hijacked by the subsequent comparison of Drupal vs Joomla (two of the best open source Content Management Systems).

I've since been pondering various domain names, such as rad-dad.com (which is already taken, tho I could buy it for a price) and radfather.com (which is available). But none felt right.

Until today, at Newport Dunes beach park, where I was playing Rad-dad with the bug. (Gorgeous day, btw.)

Found myself visualizing what the new site might look like .. beginning with a simple title & logline, such as > FATHERHOOD: Harder Than it Looks .. or .. FATHERHOOD: It's Hard Enough .. in place of where I currently have RADIFIED: Indulge Your Technolust.

Then I thought, "That's it! > HardNuf." In other words, it's hard enough to raise children, without parents bickering. And it's hard enough for kids to grow up in two different homes, without undue tension between parents.

After playing a while, I carried the bug up to the car. There I laid him on a mat (on the grass) so I could change his diaper.

After wiping clean his little butt, I stood to retrieve a tube of butt-cream from the glove compartment and, when I turned...

... saw he'd bolted down the hill, giggling, running butt-naked, fast as his little feet could carry him .. which is pretty fast (downhill), considering he wore no diaper or pants to impede progress.

We've stopped by the theater before today, but never gone with a specific movie in mind. Previous visits were merely intended to familiarize him with what it feels like to walk inside a (dark) movie theater .. so today (when it finally came) wouldn't be such a surprise.

We saw Surf's Up (dude). Strong reviews. A flick about penguins who surf. Pretty funny. Made me laugh out loud several times.

The bug is still small enough that he can sit on my lap. Before leaving the house I found the Surfs Up web site, and reviewed the main characters with him, so he'd be familiar with their names (Cody, Chicken Joe, Tank, Lani).

Spent the first full weekend with the Bug (Fri-Sat-Sun) in several months. I had previously been donating my Saturdays to his mom .. but decided, recently, to take more time with the little guy.

Never ceases to surprise me how much depth to the relationship it adds by spending consecutive days together. Nothing like a big chunk o' time to develop the father/son relationship & bond. Very satisfying.

It's difficult to make blog entries when I have him (impossible, actually, 'less he's nappin'). So he's normally gone when I sit down to write.

Difficult to watch him go. Afterwards, it feels like my heart was ripped out. Messes me up. To say it's disorienting is an understatement, but that's the best word I can find to describe the feeling. Takes me a while to recover (re-orient).

I don't really understand *why* I feel so whacked afterwards, cuz I know it's good for him to be with his mom, and she takes good care of him .. and by the time she comes to get him, I'm pretty whupped anyway.

Been studying new "Head First" book on XHTML/CSS .. currently ~200 pages into it (1/3rd way thru), now reading chapter 5.

Haven't seen much new material I don't already know (having learned most of my tricks from viewing the source of other web sites). Tho I have learned bits-n-pieces of cool info from the book, especially regarding the names (terms) of things (.. which I've been using for years).

So in that regard, it has (so far) been only slightly useful. But it's good to know that I know what I know .. ya know?

Especially since HTML is a prerequisite for learning so many other cool web technologies, such as scripting & databases.

NEXT chapter is titled Serious HTML ("Standards, Compliance & all that Jazz"), which sounds more interesting (than basic HTML).

From perusing the table of contents («PDF), it looks like the really cool stuff (stuff I don't yet know) starts in the second half. Looking forward to that.

Funny how they use a fictitious web design company named RadWebDesign (a "seemingly experienced firm") that always does things wrong. =) [Re: pages 148 + 156.]

Played Rad-dad the last few days. This was the first time I changed *no* poopy diapers. Woohoo! All poopies went in the toilet. (A beautiful thing.) Let the celebration begin.

He seems to enjoy this new activity. "Dada, come look," I hear him call from the bathroom. Eyes gleaming with pride. High-fives ensue.

Quickly tho, he dismisses me with a wave, saying » "Dada, go away." (Plea for privacy.) Sometimes he even slides shut the door behind me.

And I have another 'first' to report » he took a shower with me today. No, not a major milestone, but worth mentioning. The shower-head here is detachable, allowing me to better control the nozzle's spray.

The bug slept over last night. Good snuggler, he is. (Good sleeper, too.)

After telling him a story ('til he fell asleep) I lay awake, listening to the sound of his breath. The bottoms of his little feet rested on my legs (just above my knees). His head lay (peaceful) on my arm. My other arm drew him tight. Pretty dang close to heaven on earth.

Before becoming a dad, I had a job where one of my bosses spoke often & enthusiastically about his kids (teenagers at the time). Despite my best efforts (to suck-up to the boss), I had difficulty relating to his stories.

I remember thinking, "If I ever have kids, I need to realize that people who don't .. might have trouble relating."

Of course, when it's your boss, you try extra hard (to relate) .. laughing when he laughs, even when you fail to see any humor.

I even remember feeling it rude of him to expect me to care about his stories (when I had no kids of my own). Like I said, it wasn't like I didn't try.

At times I even felt inadequate, cuz I hadn't bred (yet).

Since becoming a dad, I can see that good parents *should* be tuned to their kids. Obviously, there's a ditch on both sides of this road.

A parent can be so absorbed they have no life outside their kids. Or they can be oblivious, not realizing when their kids are hurting. (I think this is called empathy, a natural part of parenting.) Balance is the key.

These days I tailor my conversation to the person sitting across from me. If they're a parent, I'm free to discuss whatever parental topics arise (cuz I know they can relate). If not, I find other subjects (unless they lead).

Even with the Dog, my best friend of many years (who has outstanding social skills), I've found a certain —distance— has developed. The Dog is excellent at relating to my challenges with the bug's mom, but struggles (I sense) at relating to my experiences as a dad.

Remarkable how much better I feel whenever I work-out. I even feel better about myself (psychologically).

Shirts fit more snugly (in chest & shoulders). Arms hang a bit heavier. Each step flows more easily, propelled by stronger legs ("wheels").

Been adding weight, too (muscle-weight, hopefully). Lost ~15 lbs following the back injury. Each time I've visited the gym, my weight has climbed (on their digital scale) » 188 » 189 » 190 » 191 » 192, & today » 193.

I like how, once I get in shape, and develop a routine, I develop a desire to work-out (instead of a dread). Getting to the gym is half the battle. Once you're there .. the hardest part is over.

The routine that works best for me » legs+abs on day-1, shoulders+arms on days 2, rest day-3, back+abs day-4, chest day-5, rest day-6, repeat cycle (2-on, 1-off). Each session begins with 10-min aerobic warm-up. (For which I prefer the recumbent bike.)

Sleeping better, too (zzzz). Still having bizarre dreams, tho .. such as the one where I was » flying around Laguna Beach on New Year's eve with the bug in a slow-moving, over-crowded commuter-jet piloted by Tom Hanks...

This was the longest stretch I hadn't seen him since .. well, since those dark days of '05 (.. which I'd rather not remember). It had been more than 2 weeks.

His mom took him to Michigan, to visit family there. He has made the trip several times now. Getting to be a little frequent-flyer.

In the car, as we drove away this morning, I asked, "So, did you like flying on the big airplane?"

"Yeah," he said enthusiastically, "It was too much fun." =)

Speaking of the car .. as I arrived this morning, the bug was out front, where he spotted me waiting at the light across the street. "There's dada," I heard him shout.

As I pulled up to the curb, he ran over to the car. I reached across and opened the passenger door. Into the car-seat he scrambled .. all by himself. His mom shut the door behind him and we drove away. (Pick-ups don't get any smoother than that.)

He talked the whole way home. Never seen him so vocal. Seemed to have a lot on his mind. At the coffee shop this morning, the girls there made a fuss over him. Everybody seems happy to have him back.

Played Rad-dad this weekend. This was the first time the Bug didn't want to go back to his mom. He actually cried (tears). That's never happened before.

Can't think of a reason for the change. My rock-climbing buddy (Tom) said a similar thing happened right after his ex weaned his daughter.

"Come to think of it," I said, "the Bug hasn't mentioned the m-word since he returned from his trip back East (earlier this month)." So maybe that's what happened.

"If he's been weaned," he said, "that would explain things .. cuz it would put you on equal footing with his mom."

Haunting Images 

I know it's not a problem, and he'll be fine soon as I leave, but it really bothers me to see the Bug in distress. The sight of him holding out his arms, crying, "Dada," as I drove away .. ugh » it's haunting.

Received a certified letter from the bug's mom, saying she is moving to Michigan. (A few thousand miles away.)

Such threats are nothing new, but this is the first time I received an official notice (as required by law).

Ironically, I have a sense of peace about it. Perhaps it's just a defense mechanism kicking in. (I don't understand it, myself.)

Or maybe it's the new vitamins I started taking, but this is the best I've felt in a long time. Weird, huh? I actually have a sense of optimism about the future I didn't have before. (So maybe this is a good thing in disguise.)

Of course, I've had feelings before I couldn't understand, so this is nothing new. Still, it surprises me, cuz I thought I'd feel devastated.

I mean, if you consider I can no longer afford an attorney, since my last trip thru the legal system wiped me out financially (I'm still trying to recover), it's not likely I'll have much luck fighting this in court, representing myself, against her lawyers.

(Speaking of which, I don't know how these people can sleep at night, taking kids away from their loving fathers. Is it the money? Can somebody explain it to me? I could never do that .. no matter how much money was involved.)

Of course, that won't stop me from trying. But you know how the courts tend to favor the mom. And few people I spoke with had anything encouraging to say. "Unfortunately, there's not much you can do," they said.

Last week I mentioned how the Bug cried when I brought him back to his mom .. and how that threw me for a loop, seeing it was a new development.

This week wasn't such a shock, tho yesterday, again, brought more goodbye tears. (The Bug rarely cries. Tears are rarer still.) Yet surprisingly, I'm still struggling to get a handle on this new twist.

Everybody says it's normal, nothing to be concerned about. Intellectually, I agree. So why does it still have such a haunting effect on me?

My rock-climbing buddy (Tom) says it's due to the trouble that kids the Bug's age have understanding the concept of time, and that when you leave, they don't understand they'll see you again in only a few days. For them it feels like forever.

"I'd like to tell you it'll get better," Tom said, "but it's likely to get worse, first."

Yesterday I had all these cool plans for the evening, after the Bug's mom came to pick him up. After they left however (after the tears), I found myself disoriented, depressed, feeling waylaid, staring off into space .. struggling to get a handle on how to deal with this... Ugh, I don't even know what you'd call it.

"It rips you apart," Tom said. "That's exactly how it feels," I said. It felt good to know I'm not the only one who has felt this way.

Amid the anguish, it's easy to feel like we're the only one. But in reality, any parent who has ever had to drop off a kid at daycare, and leave while they're holding out their arms, crying, "Don't go," knows what I'm talking about. It's a horrible feeling. Emotionally paralyzing.

My mom died more than 20 years ago. Cancer. It was over within a matter of months. ("Mercifully," some say.) Yet still too horrible to contemplate.

I was living in Pennsylvania at the time. Mom lived up in Connecticut (4 hours away).

Exactly one week before we learned the news, she and my aunt (her sister) drove down to visit for the weekend. (Something which had never happened before.) They rolled into town Friday afternoon, and returned home Monday (leaving as I left for work in the morning).

It went fast, but we had the best time. (Ever!) Downright magical. [Again, this was just a week before we learned the news. I can still remember the phone call...

.. which came unnervingly early Saturday morning » "Honey, I got bad news," my aunt said. "Are you sitting down?" .. the question which always harbingers the worst kind of news.]

Call it what you want » "God," "the Universe," "Destiny" .. whatever terminology you're comfortable with .. but that weekend felt like (and *still* feels like) a special gift .. one which I can always return to (in my mind) .. whenever I miss her.

Who knows why she decided to come down that particular weekend? Maybe she had a premonition? .. or intuition? .. or just pure coincidence. "Spur-of-the-moment idea," she claimed. But certainly, the timing was good as it gets. The following week, she went in for a check-up. (That was the beginning of the end.)

The height of our weekend came during dinner at a fancy restaurant » Windows of Steinman Park (situated to your left in the picture, just out of view). The place had a wall of huge floor-to-ceiling windows (hence the name), some two or three stories tall, overlooking the park below (located in the heart of America's oldest inland city).

An old black man, wearing a red beret, sat playing a grand piano there. His gentle music carried softly throughout the multi-tiered restaurant. My girlfriend at the time (a sharp-dressing manager of a woman's clothing store) had to work that night, so it was just the three of us.

Sitting around an oversized round table, with an envious view of the park below, we had a glass or two of Chardonnay with our appetizers. The conversation was scintillating. We even befriended the kindly, old piano player (Fess), who played many beautiful songs for us.

Something definitely felt different that night. She didn't even feel like my mom, but rather a close friend. All barriers had vanished. These things are difficult to describe. (Maybe impossible.)

When you can't afford an attorney, there are only so many levers you can pull, and buttons you can push. But I'm pushing & pulling the best I can. (Couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try.)

And as you know, lawyers can definitely help, especially good ones. If my efforts fail .. ugh .. I'll have to deal with that. But I can't not try.

I'm probably in denial, but I actually have a sense of hope & optimism.

Serious emotional stress here. Whew! This is the worst emotional stress I think I've ever experienced. [Funny that this comes right after the worst *physical* stress I've ever experienced .. just a few weeks ago.]

Normally I couldn't care less about Britney's latest escapade (having enough problems of my own).

But today's article caught my attention, cuz she lost her kids. One line in particular jumped out (4th paragraph):

» The joke's over. At least for now. Because there are few things worse than losing one's kids.

This is an issue (sad to say) I've been preparing for. Naturally, I'm hoping for the best. But the decision is out of my hands. So I need to prepare for the possibility things don't go my way. (Sukus maximus.)

The reason the author puts losing-one's-kids near the top of Life's Worst Things, I believe (and again, this is something I've been staring at for weeks now), is because » parenting taps into some of our most basic instincts.

These instincts are hard-wired, deep in our subconscious. They tend to override normal conscious thought, and energize us with powerful emotions. This is why we do things for our kids we'd normally never think of doing.

So how do I cope? Defense mechanisms, I'm sure, play a major role. They protect us from thoughts and feelings too distressing to deal with.

The good news is .. I didn't miss any time with the Bug. Unless a doctor, or a judge, tells me I can't (or shouldn't) see him, I'm there .. bright and early.

We did low-key stuff .. like lay on the bed together and watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang .. on my laptop (propped on my legs) while I held him. (Feels good to lay horizontal.) He seemed to enjoy that, saying, "This is cool, dada."

His favorite part is Me Ol' Bamboo, which makes him get up and jump around like the dancers. But caring for him in my condition is (as you might imagine) taxing. Hard for injured muscles to heal if they can't rest.

Today I'm trying to rest, and not move very much .. which is more difficult than I anticipated. Pain (my ol' friend) I can handle; I merely don't want to re-injure anything. I have a DVD on learning Dreamweaver CS3 that seems well-suited to my present condition.

People say I look like I'm in pain. Must be more difficult to hide than I thought. My head is crooked (like the Leaning Tower), tilted to the left. My left shoulder is raised. I walk like Frankenstein. Difficult to open my mouth to eat. (Corn-on-the-cob impossible.)

I don't understand it myself. Perhaps I'm in denial. Or maybe I sense (intuitively) some good news about to arrive from the cosmos. (Wishful thinking?)

The neck is still sore/stiff, but it's the least of my worries right now. And besides, there's nothing I can do to make it heal any faster, other than rest. (Tomorrow will be two weeks since I went sailing over then handlebars and landed on my head.)

My overriding concern is the threat of the Bug being taken away. (Far away.) As previously mentioned, I'm doing everything I can to prevent that from happening. (For example, I spent yesterday afternoon at the courthouse.) But the decision is out of my hands. And I can no longer afford an attorney.

Speaking of the Bug, he slept over earlier this week. I had the *coolest* dream that night .. about us going to the beach - a magical beach, on a picture-perfect day, late in the afternoon.

The water was crystal clear and warm, the white sand powdery soft. The nicest people camped nearby - families, with fancy cameras, who shot video of the Bug & I playing together...

.. as tall masted ships sailed in agitated seas just offshore. We swam however, in tranquil waters, with dolphins and brightly-colored fish within a protective reef. Our beach-neighbors even offered me an extra coffee they'd brought along from Starbucks. Talk about an idyllic setting.

The dream left me in such an enchanted state that I felt wrapped in a glow of paternal contentment for days afterward.

Today I feel exhausted, on a deep, emotional level. (My bones feel tired.)

The past month-or-so I've had unlimited energy (and trouble sleeping). Now that we have resolution, I can hardly keep my eyes open.

Slept hard last night. Hard to wake this morning. Today I keep falling asleep (even after a triple-espresso), napping repeatedly during the day.

Yesterday was my best-day-ever in court. (My first without an attorney.) I never had to say a word. I think I said, "Okay," and that was all.

"I don't get him today," I'd reply. And they respond with some encouraging comment, and share insightful observations about seeing us together. I could tell their comments were genuine & heartfelt.

There's a difference between knowing something (intellectually), and internalizing it. I've always known I was a good dad, but I never really felt that way. (Until today.)

Perhaps the reason for this delay is cuz I've always felt I could do a better job .. or cuz I don't get to see the Bug as often as I'd like. I mean, days go by without seeing him. Sometimes weeks.

How good of a dad can you be if you're only together a fraction of the time? Or maybe it's cuz my parenting techniques are frequently criticized (.. by one person in particular).

Did it make me uncomfortable to see my boy wearing a dress? Uh, a little. But he's only two. If he were five, maybe I'd be more concerned. Everybody agrees on one thing » he would've made a cute girl. =)

I almost didn't go trick-or-treating, cuz my neck was pretty sore that day. But Tom made it easy. He came by, transferred the Bug's car-seat (from the Rad-mobile) into his SUV, so all I had to do was hop in & go along for the ride.

As a side note, I find it interesting that Tom is probably the safest driver I've ever ridden with, especially considering how he prefers to indulge in sports which some might deem hazardous ..

.. such as mountain biking & rock climbing. He has even climbed El Capitan (which he calls "big wall" climbing). Yet he spent 10 minutes making sure the Bug's car-seat was fastened securely, and always lets the other car go first.

Tom has a 7-year-old daughter. She held the Bug's hand as they walked up to each front porch and rang the doorbell. Very cute. Many of these homes sported elaborate Halloween decorations (such as fog-making machines and mock graves that open & shut automatically).

Thanksgiving 2007

After tearing up the local playground, the day's highlight came when we took his "froggie boots" to the Newport Back Bay. There we found a feeder-stream he could tromp thru (something new).

The froggie boots kept his feet warm-n-dry. He seemed to enjoy dropping sticks in the water and watching them float downstream, and chasing after ducks.

After his mom picked him up (later in the day), I headed over to Tom's place, where his wife made turkey-stuffed acorn squash .. stuffed with nuts, peppers, cheese, and other nutritious treats. (Yummy.)

Tom & his wife are healthy eaters, so I knew it was gonna be good. They recently joined an organic co-op. Every other week, they get a bushel-basket full of organic veggies (such as the acorn squash we ate).

I think he said it costs $35 for ~35 pounds (of assorted veggies). The only bad part is you have to pay for 6 months up front. (And no, they don't deliver.)

Tom had spent the day tearing out his old carpet and sanding the underlying (concrete) floor. So his place had a distinct post-nuclear feel to it, with a slight echo. (Okay, it was more than slight.)

The six years that (seemed like they) would never end. Unfortunately, I didn't learn that counting days-remaining only slows time .. until I was already out.

EAOS Anniversary

I remember walking out of the Admin building (in Bangor, Washington) after signing my discharge papers [Form DD-214]. Tho I still had a few days remaining, the sky (literally) looked bluer (not a figure of speech) ..

.. the grass greener. Birds were chirping. My feet seemed to hover just above ground. Boundless energy at my command. A sense of satisfaction oozed from every pore. Funny how it was obviously late November, yet my recollection of that day seems more like mid-summer.

First Photoshop Layer

» In more-technical news, I created my first image using layers (in Photoshop) today. If you check out the previous entry, you'll see I put some radEyes in the skull pictured on the pirate flag there. Simple, but the technique is the same, no matter how sophisticated you wanna get.

Back when I first heard about Photoshop, a friend mentioned the program's real editing power was accessed by learning how to use layers. Of course, it's much easier to learn when you have somebody showing you how.

One of the most subtly-gnawing things I've had to deal with—as a part time dad—is the notion that the Bug (until recently) did not understand the difference between:

1. I can't see him.
2. I don't want to see him.

I mean, if your dad can't see you (cuz he's fighting in Iraq, say for example), that's bad enough. But if he doesn't want to .. uh, that's much worse .. something which could affect a child .. their entire life. So it's important the Bug knows » I want to see him.

Whenever I pick him up, the *first* thing I do (soon as we drive away) is make a BIG DEAL about how happy I am to have him.

I mean, I really whoop it up, big time » "Wooo-whooo! It's dada's turn to get the Bug." (High-five's ensue.) Then (after a while) I say, "I wish I could have you more."

"But we have to share," he responds. (It's too cute for words.) Then we do this role-reversal thing, where I protest (like *he* sometimes does) .. "But I don't WANT TO share."

"But we have to share, dad," he repeats. "Mom wants me, too." To which I continue my childish protest, "No. no. no. I don't WANT TO share."

"But we have to share," he says, calmly, like an adult .. until I finally relent and say, "Okay, if you say so."

2008 Happy New Year. Mine was low-key. (No hangover today.) Spent the evening at Tom's. His wife whipped up a yummy batch of organic veggies (with dijon mustard & lemon) for dinner. Healthy stuff.

I like hanging out there cuz both he & his wife are very understanding (of my limitations). I was feeling blue last night (still am, actually), and that did not bother them. They've both been down this road, so they understand the challenges associated with my situation.

My engineering background has programmed me to try and understand problems (in order to engineer an effective solution). But I really don't understand *why* I'm feeling so blue.

I mean, I miss the bug, but that doesn't explain how far down in the dumps I feel. I was able to spend 3 solid days with him last week (after he returned from visiting relatives back-East).

I was excited driving over (Friday morn) to pick him up. Could actually feel myself getting happy. Then, after he left » bummer city. Haven't been able to shake it.

Didn't want to be a drag on my friend's New Years eve, but they assured me they understood.

The first three years (they say) are "most important" .. developmentally. The Bug will be 3 this week. (Can you believe it?)

I feel good about his development, especially considering the challenges we've faced. So I won't say it's been easy. But he's pretty cool. (Big fan of Lightning McQueen.)

While picking him up last week, he said (while sitting in his mom's lap, as she tied his shoes), "I'm so glad I got you, dada." That stuff makes me melt.

He's entered the "Why?" phase. Everything is, "Why?" Of course, not all answers are easy to explain. But I try my best.

Along these lines, a friend recently told me, "'Because I said so,' .. is *never* an acceptable response." (Advice *my* parents obviously never heard.)

Sometimes I tell him, "I don't know." To which he asks, "Why don't you know?" =)

Sometimes I even say, "You're still small, and you probably won't understand .. but this is how it works..." Then I proceed to explain things .. in terms he can understand, cuz kids understand more than we give them credit for. And I finish with, "You'll understand better when you get bigger."

My biggest regret is that he'll never be able to spend more than a short time with *both* his mom & dad .. the two people who made him. But (as Tom said), "It's better than seeing those two people fighting all the time."

The Bug is 3. The highlight of his b-day came at the Back Bay, where we thru rocks off a bluff .. into a canal below .. on a gorgeous winter afternoon in sunny SoCal.

At first, he couldn't reach the water. His throws fell short, hitting the thick, black mud, exposed by the low-tide. But some coaching from dad showed him how to put his hips into the toss, giving him the extra distance to reach the water » Ker-plunk!

I know throwing rocks is not Disneyland, but he couldn't have been happier. We thru countless rocks into the water.

I always try to pay attention, but on his b-day I made a conscious effort to really get down on his level and look him in the eye (and make contact). He seemed to respond accordingly. He seemed happy. (Maybe the happiest I've ever seen.)

The day before he never woke from his nap .. slept the whole afternoon/night thru. (Only done that once before.) So I wasn't sure if he wasn't feeling okay.

At one point during our hike at the Back Bay, I called out for him to "Come on, Bug," cuz he was lagging back, drawing something on the dirt-trail with a stick .. and he called back, "Whadju say, daddy?" Something about that touched me.

He talks well, especially for a 3-year old. I mean, you can have a decent conversation with him. I also like that he knows what he wants.

For most parents, birthday #3 is a special milestone. But for me (given what I've been thru), you can be sure it was *extra* special.