2008 Happy New Year. Mine was low-key. (No hangover today.) Spent the evening at Tom's. His wife whipped up a yummy batch of organic veggies (with dijon mustard & lemon) for dinner. Healthy stuff.
I like hanging out there cuz both he & his wife are very understanding (of my limitations). I was feeling blue last night (still am, actually), and that did not bother them. They've both been down this road, so they understand the challenges associated with my situation.
My engineering background has programmed me to try and understand problems (in order to engineer an effective solution). But I really don't understand *why* I'm feeling so blue.
I mean, I miss the bug, but that doesn't explain how far down in the dumps I feel. I was able to spend 3 solid days with him last week (after he returned from visiting relatives back-East).
I was excited driving over (Friday morn) to pick him up. Could actually feel myself getting happy. Then, after he left » bummer city. Haven't been able to shake it.
Didn't want to be a drag on my friend's New Years eve, but they assured me they understood.
••••• today's entry continues below •••••
The Bug left Sunday eve. Here it is Tuesday and I'm still trying to shake these blues. Ugh! Feel unsettled.
Seems the more time I spend with him, the more I miss him. Weird, huh? Opposite what you'd expect. After 3 great days with the Bug, I should be feelin' happy as pie, no?
Anyway, I don't understand the dynamics of why I'm feeling so blue, and why I can't seem to shake it. I'm just grateful for friends who understand and don't expect me to be upbeat all the time.
I've had other friends who were not able to deal the sadness that come when I have to give him back. Can't blame them, cuz I don't like it myself. But I haven't been able to shake it. Which is why I'm trying to figure out what's going on (and why).
Anyway, I'm going to go for a walk .. around around the Back Bay. This tends to induce a meditative mindset which sometimes yields insight .. cuz this can't go on much longer.
Speaking of meditative, after dinner last night, Tom & his wife served Kung Fu Cha .. which means » The Art of Tea. If you've ever experienced this "mindful" ceremony, you know how special it is. They learned about it from a Buddhist monk. Maybe I'll elaborate more on this ancient ritual, but right now I need to go for a walk.
I'm not worried; I always recover. Just wish I could figure out how to expedite the process. Didn't feel this sad when he flew back East. So why do I feel so blue after spending 3 great days with him? (We sang Xmas songs in church Sunday morning. The previous night, he was enchanted by the fake snow spewing from the roof of the Zim house on Balboa Island.)