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Hasta la Vista, Baby

Hasta La Vista, BabyReceived a certified letter from the bug's mom, saying she is moving to Michigan. (A few thousand miles away.)

Such threats are nothing new, but this is the first time I received an official notice (as required by law).

Ironically, I have a sense of peace about it. Perhaps it's just a defense mechanism kicking in. (I don't understand it, myself.)

Or maybe it's the new vitamins I started taking, but this is the best I've felt in a long time. Weird, huh? I actually have a sense of optimism about the future I didn't have before. (So maybe this is a good thing in disguise.)

Of course, I've had feelings before I couldn't understand, so this is nothing new. Still, it surprises me, cuz I thought I'd feel devastated.

I mean, if you consider I can no longer afford an attorney, since my last trip thru the legal system wiped me out financially (I'm still trying to recover), it's not likely I'll have much luck fighting this in court, representing myself, against her lawyers.

(Speaking of which, I don't know how these people can sleep at night, taking kids away from their loving fathers. Is it the money? Can somebody explain it to me? I could never do that .. no matter how much money was involved.)

Of course, that won't stop me from trying. But you know how the courts tend to favor the mom. And few people I spoke with had anything encouraging to say. "Unfortunately, there's not much you can do," they said.

••• today's entry continues below •••

Maybe I've just grown weary of the constant criticizing & complaining, about stupid stuff (like nap times). If I had a nickel for every time my parenting skills were criticized .. (cha-ching!).

This stuff has been going on a looong time. Two quotes from the film Apocalypse Now come to mind (Wiki):

  1. "Every man has a breaking point."
  2. "Good does not always triumph."

And if she's gonna take him away, it's best she does it while he's still young. (He's only 2.) I can look myself in the mirror and feel satisfied I did my best. (Tho sometimes our best isn't good enough.) Anybody who has been a regular here knows how I tried to be a good dad .. in spite of opposition.

I have tried to be agreeable. (For example, this is my weekend with the bug, which I donated to his mom.) Yet our relationship continues to deteriorate. Seems remote (barring some unforeseen miracle) things would ever improve.

On the bright side, it will be nice when the day finally comes when the criticism & complaining stops (when she leaves).

With me out of the picture, her animosity will wane, which will be good for the bug. (Looking on the bright side.)

New Milestone 

Speaking of the bug, I have a new milestone to report » he went poops by himself yesterday. He's gone many times in the toilet, but I've always had to put him there.

Yesterday, he walked up and said » "Dada, wipe my butt." I asked, "Did you go poops?" We went and looked together. Sure 'nuf .. there in the toilet... "Grandé poops!" he said, pointing proudly.

One of our precious times together this week, was when he wanted me to tell him a story. He laid on my chest, and before the story was half over, I felt him go limp (fall asleep). Heaven on earth.

A few hours later, I was working at my computer when he woke. "What dada doing?" I heard him ask. "I was just coming to lay down next to you," I said.

Again, he scrambled up onto my chest and fell back asleep. He's usually not that clingy. Maybe he senses our time together is growing short.


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I've been a regular since I stumbled upon your great site looking for "disk partitioning strategies" in late 2004. I've read all the ups and downs and quietly smiled when you've written about the bug. I have 4 kids myself (4 - 16) and cannot bear to imagine how it would feel never being able to see any one of them ever again. I felt compelled to write...


Its been a while since I have defaulted the rad blog as my home page (2001). There have been a few times I have browsed into the recent posts and ended up totally forgetting why I needed to turn the computer on. With my own son nearing one year my heart is wrung upon hearing your situation deteriorate. Like a wet towel under maximum twist I think that was the last few drops to fall. It is in times like this where current matters seem unbearable I look to the future for hope. My immediate thoughts are that the good times you have shared will serve as the foundation for maintaining a strong bond in years to come. He is so young! and from what we've heard out here she won't be helping much. If prayers count man you won't be having any problems, cuz there's gotta be a few bushels of em heading your way along with mine.

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