When you can't afford an attorney, there are only so many levers you can pull, and buttons you can push. But I'm pushing & pulling the best I can. (Couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try.)
And as you know, lawyers can definitely help, especially good ones. If my efforts fail .. ugh .. I'll have to deal with that. But I can't not try.
I'm probably in denial, but I actually have a sense of hope & optimism.
Serious emotional stress here. Whew! This is the worst emotional stress I think I've ever experienced. [Funny that this comes right after the worst *physical* stress I've ever experienced .. just a few weeks ago.]
••• today's entry continues below •••
I mean, I could tell you stories of how it has been affecting my body, but I don't want to gross you out. =)
Now if it were just me, hey, I would *welcome* the distance .. cuz it would put an end to much of the strife. But there's the Bug to think about, and something inside compels me .. to do whatever I can .. to remain in his life .. on a "frequent & continuing" basis.
Another weird thing .. is that (despite the recommendations of others), I have no malice toward the mom .. probably because she *is* the Bug's mom, and anything bad for her would affect him. I still haven't fully figured out my feelings on that, tho. Weird. [And no, I don't think the feeling is mutual. =) ]
Of course I've been praying like a madman (for the mom, too) .. every night, since sleep has been fleeting. Normally, I sleep like a big dog. Tho not lately. Yet I feel fine (physically speaking). Dropping weight. Appetite is hard to come by. I fill up fast. Forcing myself to eat.
Sometimes when I can't sleep (like now » 2:43 AM), I watch Frontline specials, since (for whatever reason) I find them calming. Maybe it's the narrator's voice? .. or their logical, methodical approach. Or just the pure distraction. I also sometimes suck on melatonin tabs, tho they tend to give me vivid dreams.