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« Exhausted after Court | Main | My First Halloween with the Bug (Dressed as Dorothy) + First Physical Therapy Session »

New Identity » Good Dad + "Break Down the Subjects" (Bourne Ultimatum)

More people than ever told me today that I'm a good dad. Maybe this is something I need to hear. Seems like everywhere I went » the coffee shop, the bank, the library, Mother's market .. I ran into somebody asking, "Where's the little guy?" (Most I didn't even know.)

The Crucible"I don't get him today," I'd reply. And they respond with some encouraging comment, and share insightful observations about seeing us together. I could tell their comments were genuine & heartfelt.

There's a difference between knowing something (intellectually), and internalizing it. I've always known I was a good dad, but I never really felt that way. (Until today.)

Perhaps the reason for this delay is cuz I've always felt I could do a better job .. or cuz I don't get to see the Bug as often as I'd like. I mean, days go by without seeing him. Sometimes weeks.

How good of a dad can you be if you're only together a fraction of the time? Or maybe it's cuz my parenting techniques are frequently criticized (.. by one person in particular).

••• today's entry continues below •••

Also today, was the first day my neck started to loosen up. You know that popping sound your joints make when they release? (like cracking your knuckle) That began today. (Feels sooo good!)

It has been 3 weeks since I went sailing over the handlebars and landed on my coconut .. so this is a welcome development .. cuz I've been disappointed with the rate of healing (continued stiffness + headaches).

The better I feel » the more I do » the sorer my neck gets .. so it's a mixed blessing. I have an appointment with a Sports-medicine therapist later this week (friend of Tom's).

It's still no fun turning my head/neck side-to-side, especially later in the evening, when my neck muscles start getting tired from holding up my fat head all day.

Ironically, the last thing Tom & I discussed that day .. was prompted by a line from the Bourne Ultimatum, where Julia Stiles' character (Nicky) states » "They found they had to break-down the subjects before the training would take."

I asked Tom if he thought that was true .. that, before you could create a super-stud kinda guy (an Ultimate Warrior), you first had to break him down. I mean, the Marines have been saying just that for years.

I've had some government/military training of my own .. but I wouldn't say there was any prior breaking down (that I was aware of). The Navy's nuclear program was more like a set of hurdles .. where you had to continue to perform at a specified caliber (academically) .. or be eliminated » "Perform or be gone." Definitely ruthless.

Of course, we first had to define what is meant by the term/phrase/verb » to break down. On a basic level, I think this means creating/instilling a new identity .. which is why they changed his name .. to Jason Bourne (from David Webb).

So Tom & I were having this thought-provoking discussion .. there in the mountains above Crystal Cove .. when the next thing I knew » I was airbourne (..about to be broken down .. by the U.S. Dept. of Terra Firma).

And today (voila!) I have a new identity » that of a good dad .. thanks to all the people I ran into earlier .. who shared their insights on how I'm still a good dad .. even tho I can't see the Bug every day.


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